I’m realizing that being on anti-depressants doesn’t really make me happy.
Being on anti-depressants gives me the energy to do things that do make me happy.
Although it’s been a couple months, the experience of “I want to do a thing, and next thing I know, I’m actually doing it” still feels exhilarating and a little scary. Even when the thing is, like, making a grocery list.
That’s what really makes me happy. Not the reshuffling of chemicals—that just makes me energetic. But the fact that I can make the things I want actually happen in my life, that I have power over how I spend my time and what I experience… THAT makes me happy.