sex positive feminism refuses to acknowledge how the patriarchy shapes our desire, normalizes female pain/submission.
and here’s where I get into TMI - I like being held down during sex and rough sex. I grew up in a world where that was okay, where advertisements showed that as sexy.
I don’t feel guilty about what I like in bed. But I refuse to consider my sexual desires as the one thing that escapes influence from societal pressures.
As a dirty sex-pozzie, I agree with the last paragraph, except:
I refuse to consider my sexual desires as the only thing influenced by societal pressures. What I wear, who I’m friends with, how I talk, what I buy, how I move—these are all socially influenced too, often in really nasty messy ways. So it annoys me, and honestly makes me a little suspicious, when this argument keeps coming up specifically over sexuality.
Everything I do is shaped by society, y’know? Let’s not single out the things I do with my crotch.
(Speaking of “everything”—asking women to scrutinize and doubt their own sexual desires has some hefty patriarchal taint itself.)
(Last paragraph bolding mine.)
This is something I’ve been thinking about for a while. As an asexual woman, it’s not uncommon for me to be told “You’re asexual because of patriarchy,” or things along those lines. So hearing someone else talk about why explaining a woman’s sexual desires to her is icky, is valuable to me.
It’s a no-win situation, isn’t it?
If you have “too much” or “too kinky” sex, it must be the patriarchy telling you to please men. But if you have “too little” or “too vanilla” sex, it must be the patriarchy telling you to suppress your desires!
I’m not saying this to ridicule the idea that patriarchy influences sexual desires. But I would like to ridicule the idea that patriarchy only influences certain sexual desires.
No sexual desires are developed in a vacuum, so singling out the non-normative ones for extra hand-wringing is definitely problematic.