Anonymous said: IDK if you know much about BDSM or read the 50 Shades of Gray book (if you don't rly want to answer this, maybe you could point me to someone who's more knowledgable) but do you think the ppossible abuse aspect in it has been srsly overblown?
I know an awful lot about BDSM (been doing it in real life about seven years now) and an awful lot about 50 Shades, and:
No, it’s srsly underblown. I mean, this is a story about a guy who repeatedly hits a girl who doesn’t want him to and doesn’t enjoy it. That’s as clear-cut as you can get without the author actually writing out the words “He abused me. With real abuse. I literally 100% mean that he abused me.”
Using the word “BDSM” doesn’t change that. Having a “consent contract” doesn’t change that, not when he hits Ana tons when she hasn’t signed or really even had input on it. The only thing that could make Christian hitting Ana okay in BDSM terms is if before each time, she said (or communicated to the effect of) “Please hit me, I would like that,” and she says no such damn thing.
(“The sub isn’t supposed to like it” is an incredibly dangerous line of argument. You might as well punch a stranger on the street and say “you weren’t supposed to like it.”)
Also, he stalks her, yells and glares at her constantly, and at one point breaks into her apartment and ties her to the bed, and this is verbatim from the book:
“No,” I protest, trying to kick him off. He stops. “If you struggle, I’ll tie your feet too. If you make a noise, Anastasia, I will gag you.”
This is some serial killer shit.
(And then she agrees to sex, sure, but at that point she’s already tied down and he’s already ignored “no.” What do you figure he’d do if she didn’t agree to sex, apologize and go home? Her saying “yes” at that point is consent the way giving a mugger your wallet is a gift.)
There are honestly points in this book where I have to remind myself that because it’s being marketed as a romance, Christian will not actually attempt to kill Ana.